Blog

Changing Old Patterns by Attending to Their Opposites: Curing Limerence

Curing limerence can be challenging, but introducing indifference into your mindset can help gradually reduce its intensity. Here are some steps to cultivate indifference and move past limerence:

  1. Accept and acknowledge your feelings: Recognize that you are experiencing limerence and accept that it’s a normal human emotion. Don’t be too hard on yourself for having these feelings.
  2. Understand the reality: Try to see the person you’re infatuated with as a real, flawed human being rather than putting them on a pedestal. Remind yourself of their imperfections and the fact that nobody is perfect.
  3. Limit contact and exposure: Minimize interactions with the person you’re infatuated with to reduce the reinforcement of your feelings. Avoid stalking them on social media or seeking out information about them.
  4. Focus on self-improvement: Shift your focus inward and work on personal growth. Engage in activities that fulfill you and pursue hobbies or interests that make you happy.
  5. Distract yourself: Keep yourself busy with tasks and activities that occupy your mind. Surround yourself with friends and family who can provide support and help take your mind off the infatuation.
  6. Set boundaries: If you’re in regular contact with the person, establish boundaries to protect yourself emotionally. Avoid situations that may trigger or intensify your limerence.
  7. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques can help you become more aware of your emotions and thought patterns. This awareness can assist in distancing yourself from the overwhelming feelings of limerence.
  8. Reframe your thoughts: Challenge the thoughts that fuel your limerence. Whenever you find yourself idealizing the person or fantasizing about a romantic future, consciously replace those thoughts with more realistic perspectives.
  9. Consider professional help: If your limerence is causing significant distress or interfering with your daily life, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor. They can provide support and help you navigate through your emotions.
  10. Time and distance: Limerence tends to fade over time, especially if you distance yourself from the person. Embrace patience and understand that healing takes time.

It’s important to remember that everyone’s journey to healing is unique, and the process may take time and effort. Cultivating indifference doesn’t mean suppressing emotions; it’s about gaining control over them and redirecting your focus towards self-growth and a healthier emotional state.

More Resources:

How to get over infatuation

The neuroscience of limerence

“Limerence” on Wikipedia

Love and Limerence The Experience of Being in Love

Women aren’t born, they’re made

Beauvoir’s most famous quote comes from her best-known work, The Second Sex: “One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman”.

By this she means there is no essential definition of womanhood. Women can be anything, but social norms work hard to fit them into a particular kind of femininity. These social norms are patriarchal and born out of the male gaze. Click here to read more.

Are you one of so many women who feel stuck in negative feelings about their finances?

Not all women have the same experiences or attitudes toward finances. However, there are several societal and cultural factors that may contribute to some women getting stuck in negative feelings about their finances:

  1. Gender pay gap: Women, on average, still earn less than men for the same work, which can create financial disparities and limit their ability to achieve financial security and independence.
  2. Traditional gender roles: Historically, women were expected to focus on caregiving and homemaking, which might have resulted in limited opportunities for career advancement and financial independence.
  3. Lack of financial education: In some cases, women might not receive the same level of financial education or exposure to financial decision-making as men, leading to lower financial literacy and confidence.
  4. Caregiver responsibilities: Women often take on more responsibilities related to childcare and eldercare, which can limit their ability to work full-time or pursue higher-paying careers.
  5. Societal expectations: Society may place additional pressure on women to manage finances and navigate money-related issues in a particular way, leading to stress and negative feelings.
  6. Investment and risk aversion: Studies have shown that women may tend to be more risk-averse when it comes to investing, potentially impacting their long-term financial growth.
  7. Psychological factors: Negative feelings about finances can also stem from psychological factors, such as fear, self-doubt, or past negative experiences with money.

Addressing these challenges requires a multifaceted approach, including advocating for equal pay, promoting financial education, challenging traditional gender roles, providing support for caregivers, and fostering an inclusive and supportive financial environment for everyone. Empowering women with financial knowledge and resources can help them feel more confident and capable of managing their finances positively. Additionally, fostering an environment where women feel comfortable seeking financial advice and support can be instrumental in breaking free from negative feelings about finances.

Recommended Resources:

Dow Janes The Million Dollar Year

Intrusive Thinking Caused by Limerence

Limerence is an intense emotional state characterized by an obsessive infatuation and longing for another person, typically involving romantic or sexual attraction. Coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov in her 1979 book “Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love,” limerence is considered a form of involuntary and intrusive thinking about the object of one’s affection.

The intrusive thinking caused by Limerence

In limerence, individuals often experience the following symptoms:

  1. Constant thoughts about the person they are infatuated with.
  2. Intense longing for reciprocation and emotional connection from the object of affection.
  3. Idealization of the person, often perceiving them as flawless or having almost magical qualities.
  4. Heightened emotional responses to both positive and negative interactions with the person.
  5. A tendency to interpret ambiguous or neutral actions as signs of affection.
  6. An overwhelming desire for physical and emotional closeness with the person.
  7. An increased sensitivity to any perceived threats to the relationship or attention from others.
  8. Difficulties focusing on other aspects of life due to the preoccupation with the infatuation.

Limerence is often experienced in the early stages of a romantic relationship, and it can be intense and all-consuming. However, it can also occur in situations where the affection is unrequited or where there is no possibility of a relationship with the object of infatuation.

It’s important to note that limerence is different from genuine love or a healthy, balanced relationship. Limerence tends to be short-lived and may wane over time, especially if the feelings are not reciprocated or if the individual gains a more realistic perspective on the person they are infatuated with. In contrast, love is a deeper emotional connection that involves genuine care, understanding, and mutual respect between two individuals.

More Resources:

How to get over infatuation

The neuroscience of limerence

“Limerence” on Wikipedia

Love and Limerence The Experience of Being in Love

Everything I Desire is Within Me

From Deepak Chopra’s Meditation Series ‘Creating Abundance’

“We are born with everything we need for a life of fulfillment and success. But often we measure our love, joy, health, vitality, and other positive qualities by comparing ourselves to someone or something else.

Perhaps thinking thoughts like, ‘I have a loving relationship, but not as loving as my friends.’ Or, ‘I live in a nice house but not as big as my brother’s.’ Or, ‘I have a good job, but I don’t make as much money as my colleague.’

Such comparisons stem from object referral, looking outside oneself for validation. But an abundant life is not about external comparisons, instead, a life of fulfillment comes from within, through the knowledge that you were created with everything you need to be happy and successful, and can access those seeds of abundance at any time.

Currently, all over the world, many people are experiencing difficult times. When we experience setbacks we sometimes feel like we will never achieve success. Yet, in every perceived failure or setback is the seed of success. In every situation we have new opportunities to find creative solutions for our problems, redefine our priorities, and explore other options.

We begin to view our challenges more positively, once we realize we possess the power to focus our attention on new possibilities, and possibilities for abundance are endless. There are no limits to what we can have.

Take the time to look at each situation that challenges you, and find those seeds of success that will attract greater abundance into your life.

Consider the abundant banquet of life that has been spread before us in all it’s splendor and spend a moment focusing on this centering thought: Everything I desire is within me.”

-Deepak Chopra

Best Pet Spray Pee Deterrent

Three years ago I adopted this little critter (Pomeranian) from rescue. He was 14 weeks old and named him Wicket (aka Wiki). He’s a spunky little guy and quite a yapper!

I have never had a male dog companion and I wasn’t prepared for the way he marked everything, everywhere, all the time. He soiled carpet, corners of beds, coffee tables, chair legs, ANYTHING that was upright by 2 inches! I just couldn’t get him to stop.

Until I tried this pee deterrent spray for dogs who pee everywhere. I couldn’t believe that it works! After cleaning any area he had previously soiled I spray this stuff. Albeit you have to do it everyday for a while, but they learn. Wiki either doesn’t like the smell or it just repels him to want to go elsewhere. It actually has an odor that is pleasant to me (it has cloves in it).

So, here’s my Real Life Recommendation for your dog, pet, critter, fur companion, who needs to learn not to lift his leg everywhere around the house.

Not Here! Spray

Trains Your Pet Where Not to Urinate

Repellent & Training Corrector for Puppies & Dogs

No More Marking

by Bodhi Dog

Disclaimer: The Unpolished Life ONLY offers recommendations for products and services that may enhance, balance, and improve your overall quality of life.

As an Amazon affiliate, I may receive compensation from Amazon or other sources if you purchase products or services through the links provided on this page.

What Keeps You from Falling Asleep at Night?

When the thoughts bombard me at night, they are usually:

  • regrets
  • fears
  • what others think of me
  • worries that I’m not good enough (at work, etc)
  • that my body doesn’t look the way I want it to
  • all the “to do’s”
  • really bad memories

At night, when I lay my head down, I have nothing to distract me from the useless loops and broken records on repeat in my head, so they whisper to the surface, like haunting ghosts.

I acknowledge them as there, and then, I acknowledge them as UNNECESSARY. If it is something from the past, it’s GONE. Forever.

The past, is actually WHAT I AM CREATING IN THIS MOMENT. This moment is the only thing that is real.

I. AM.

I am not this or that or whatever.

I. AM.

I take a deep breath and let anything that:

  • I cannot control
  • is not longer serving me
  • happened in the past
  • or is just plain UNNECESSARY

to poof away, like harmless wisps of air.

And the power of the moment EXPANDS and takes up more space than the crud.

I breathe.

I sleep.

I am.

Recommended Reading:

Stop Doing That Shit: End Self-Sabotage and Demand Your Life Back

by Gary John Bishop

(psst…listen to it on Audible, the author is Scottish and his accent emphasizes his points and brings the words to life!)

Enter to WIN this Gorgeous Wooden Herb Box!

This lovely little ornately carved box is yours FREE if you are one of the entries picked at random. Winners announced September 20, 2020. Move into your Autumn Season with this earthy piece to add to your home or self-care collection. Enter to win below!

If you just want this Wooden Herb Box right now and can’t wait to see if you won, they are available for purchase from the wonderful Tamed Wild Apothecary here!

Wooden Herb Box

Single Mom – what’s YOUR definition?

Maybe you should wear a wedding ring to your job interviews.

We decided to offer you a lower salary because you’re probably receiving child support from your ex-husband.

If you hadn’t had four kids and supported your husband’s education you’d be the CEO of some company by now.

You’re too pretty to be this intelligent.

The board and I decided to suggest that you resign, so you can spend more time at home with your new baby. Let your husband provide for you.

Divorced women are all bitter man-haters.

It’s too late and I’m too old to start a new career.

How do you define yourself? How do you talk ABOUT yourself. Never mind who has said things kind of things to you, what kinds of things do YOU say to YOURSELF. Do you hear yourself blaming and complaining? Take a serious look at what you think your expectations are about who is going to take care of you. Is it trading in one asshole man for another or are YOU going to take responsibility for your life? Your mindset makes all the difference, love.

Where you put your energy will determine your outcome. My ex’s mom said she didn’t leave her husband because she was told by a counselor that “It’s really hard to make it as a single mom – the world will shun you.”

Here are a couple of resources to empower you and help change your mindset:

https://www.wealthysinglemommy.com/

https://amzn.to/35aqAjf