Blog

The Real Reason You’re Not Getting What You Want

I’m going to keep this simple, cuz I like simple. Have you ever hopped into the car and said, “I’m going to go visit my friend Samantha in Idaho today. I’ve never driven to her house, in fact, I’ve never been to Idaho, but I know she lives somewhere in Idaho and I’m gonna just drive till I find her.” ???? If you have done that before, how did that turn out?

Started with a good intention, a good idea. Maybe you haven’t seen her since college. Maybe you imagined a grand reunion with coffee on the back porch in the sunrise, or tea at sunset, looking out over the fields, reminiscing about old times, slowly watching the golden light of day burst into the starry night of a clear, crisp sky. Breathing in the fresh air of the evening and the laughter of your good friend Samantha. Sounds awesome doesn’t it? (Now, I kinda wish I had a friend names Samantha in Idaho!)

But, sad day of the world, you left without a plan. You left without any specifics on which roads to take or which turns to make. Sure, a good drive like that is pretty fun….. IF YOU DON”T CARE WHERE YOU’RE GOING….. if you didn’t have that lovely vision in your mind already of where you wanted to be.

Having that vision in the first place is HUGE. Where is it that YOU WANT TO GO? What is it that you want to have? A life without debt? Money saved up for a down payment on a house? How about an ass that fits into a pair of jeans instead of baggy sweat pants? New paint on your bedroom walls? A vegetable garden in your backyard next year? A specific skill set that will help you advance your job or career?

Where do you see yourself in a year from now? Picture it. Is it a depressing picture or one that ignites excitement in you? Having dreams and goals can sometimes be overwhelming. Let me tell you a little secret, I like to treat it like a game sometimes. And here’s how I play:

Whether it’s a problem I need to solve or a goal I want to accomplish, or an intention I want to realize, I get really clear on what it is. I want to go visit my friend Samantha in Idaho! So I get really detached and business-like about how I’m going to do that. I know I won’t get there unless I give attention to my intention. I break it down into specifics. What time am I going to leave, how long does it take to get there, what is the destination address for giminiy-cricket’s sake! Now, which roads and turns will I take, will I stop overnight, what will I listen to on my drive, how much gas will I need.

Quality is never an accident; it is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, intelligent direction and skillful execution; it represents the wise choice of many alternatives.

William A. Foster (US Marine)

This may sound too scripted (anal) to you, but this is what I’m trying to tell you: the REAL REASON YOU DO NOT HAVE WHAT YOU WANT IS BECAUSE THE POWER IS IN THE DETAILS.

If you want something enough you need to drill it down to the step by step, day by day, minute by minute, until each fucking step takes you RIGHT to Samantha’s door in Idaho!

I’m not saying we or I want to live every aspect our lives this way. No, that’s no fun! However, if there’s something you want that you haven’t given this kind of attention to, then the real reason you don’t have it is because you haven’t put a HALT to the default. Without attention to your intention, you WILL, by default, wander into the same old weeds, the same old procrastination, only peering through the clutter at your goal in the far off distance, only because you neglected the tools and details right here, in you, at your disposal, if you will just make a plan.

It is the little things that make the big things possible. Only close attention to the fine details of any operation makes the operation first class.

J. Willard Marriot (founder of Marriot Hotels)

Recommended for helping you take specific action for specific results. I like this trusty, simple calendar with daily pages for listing out my day to day actions for a goal I want to attain. Pssst, I like short term goals that build on the big ones! Helps me see my progress quicker, and encourages me. When I accomplish one, I move on to the next, so I don’t feel like I have to be striving to accomplish them all at once, that’s too overwhelming for me. This one is so cute, and under 10 bucks!

2020-2021 Planner – Academic Weekly & Monthly Planner with to-Do List, 8″ x 10″, July 2020 – June 2021, Thick Paper with Marked Tabs + Holidays + Twin-Wire Binding – Swan and Floral
I love it cuz it’s not too big and not too small, and it has weekly and monthly pages. There’s more patterns and colors to choose from, if you don’t like swans. 😉

Getting Unstuck

Sometimes we are forced to change and evolve, other times we realize we’re stuck in the same ole’ same ole’, striving unsuccessfully to get what we want: greater job satisfaction, more control of our eating and exercise habits, a better relationship, a more productive day, a peaceful, loving relationship with our kids. This is because our brain has formed pathways in our brain that quickly deliver us from trigger to action. This can serve a purpose for survival, efficiently keeping us alive. But what if those pathways (let’s call them “unconscious habits”) keep delivering us right to the door of disappointment?

I want to tell you, it IS possible to change.

Try P.O.W. It’s simple.

  • Pause…….and allow yourself to become aware
  • Observe (preferably without judgement) how you’re about to respond or react. A couple questions that help with detaching yourself to observe your mind and emotions: What do you think or feel about this automatic action you are about to take. What are you feeling right now that makes you want to do this?
  • Wield. What do you want to do instead, what is the choice that is aligned with your higher self (your intentions, your goals). Wield the power you have in this moment.

Is there are different choice you want to make? One that is aligned with your intentions, goals, and dreams? Knowing what your passions and aspirations actually are is important but if you don’t know yet (more on this in another post), practicing this exercise will help to clarify that! You’ll be amazed!

Make this choice instead.

Try this simple exercise today. Print out Monday’s Mantra Tile and put it where you can see it all day (your computer monitor, on your kitchen pantry door, your bathroom mirror, on your car dashboard). Can you imagine ANY OR ALL of your choices that might change, just for today? It all starts with a SIMPLE PAUSE INTO PRESENT AWARENESS. Examples that might be relevant to you throughout the day:

  • Someone who annoys you constantly and how you tend to respond automatically
  • sudden triggers to reach for extra food that isn’t necessary to your body
  • procrastinating a simple task you’ve been avoiding
  • the urge avoid something by reaching for alcohol or other drug to numb yourself out.
  • spontaneous purchases of things you don’t need

P.O.W.

Pause. Observe. Wield.

Recommended reading (I highly recommend the audio book, I listen to it when I’m driving, walking my dogs or gardening and it is so freeing and calming):

Best Strapless Bra (for Saggy Breasts)

Yep! I said it.

GRAVITY = REALITY

Sh*# is real here. I’m in my 40’s and I’ve had FOUR sons that definitely left their share of “devastation” on my body – which I wouldn’t have any other way, I love them more than anything.

But I also like to wear comfortable summer clothes without all the excessive and fussy “strappiness” everywhere. For probably around 10 years I’ve searched far and wide for – and spent TOO much money on – the perfect strapless bra for large-ish, saggy breasts, that meets the following qualifications:

  • Stays in place
  • Minimizing
  • Shaping without pushing my boobs up to my neck
  • AND without creating the uni-boob effect.
  • Eliminates bulging back fat
  • Good quality and COMFORTABLE
  • Affordable, without being so cheap it falls apart

So, when you’re ready to ditch that “over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder” under your pretty thin-strapped top or the constant game of tug-of-war under your strapless sundress, try THIS! The Lilyette by Bali Women’s Tailored Minimizer Bra:

Do not be fooled by the slim size of these models, check out real women wearing these in the reviews below!

Before: Without the Lilyette by Bali Women’s Tailored Minimizer Bra
After: WITH the Lilyette by Bali Women’s Tailored Minimizer Bra
“I absolutely love it!”
5 Stars!
“This is the perfect bra!!! I had one years ago. I’m so pleased to find it again. For anyone particularly with large breast it holds your breast absolutely perfect. Its a good support bra whether you want the straps or not. I recommend it for helping with posture as well. I’m looking forward to being able to wear my spaghetti strapped dresses and halter tops now that I have this particular strapless bra. Great quality, soft and comfortable and the wires don’t even bother you. I wore it for 9 hours and was not ready to immediately take my bra off soon as I walked in the door. Great price as well. I will be ordering more colors. I’m a 36DD and that’s what I ordered. Perfect fit. Thanks again Amazon. I’m highly impressed with this selection for bras are normally hard to find let alone taking a chance and ordering from online without actually trying it on.”
5 Stars!

Thanks for checking out the BEST strapless bra for every pair of breasts! And ALWAYS take precious care of yourself and all your female parts. Here are some screening and awareness practices as a good reminder.

Bright Pink helps to save lives from breast and ovarian cancer by empowering women to know their risk and manage their health proactively.
If you don’t know your breast or ovarian cancer risk, there are free studies like these you can participate in. Remember to always consult your healthcare provider first.

Note: I always have to mention this, I only do reviews of products I support (no pun intended here, :-). If it’s an excellent product that may benefit your life in some important way, I will tell you all about it! I like practical, affordable items that make my life better in some way and hope these reviews are helpful for you and choosing where to invest your hard-earned dollars. Much love and gratitude.

Seeing Clearly in Pure Consciousness

I wanted to share something that I realized this morning in my meditation. It’s a parallel between mind/body/spirit/emotion connection in sobriety.Ever notice how the “eyes are the window to the soul”?

There was a time in my life when I when I relinquished (gave up) my personal power to other people, to various stressful circumstances (small and large) and to numbing out by drinking alcohol. Every morning my eyes looked TERRIBLE. Puffy, bloodshot, muddy, small, tired…just like my life.

I am so grateful to have found practical tools and compassionate people which led to the deconstruction of my limited view on life. This has allowed me to SEE clearly, with not only my physical vision, but also my mental VISION.

I make decisions from a place of peace, abundance and gratitude when I am centered and present in this moment, listening to my true, inner self, instead of drowning her in alcohol or other external dis-empowering choices, people and circumstances.

Going AT life, the “old way” didn’t work. Receiving life in a new way from a different level of consciousness guides my life forward and has changed and is changing my impact for good, on the people around me.

Note: If you’ve tried to reduce alcohol and found it was a struggle, you’re not alone and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. There is a community of women who have experienced the same struggle. For many, it wasn’t until they saw the horrendous toll alcohol was taking on their appearance that they searched for and found the tools to freedom, gaining back control of their lives and their inner/outer beauty. Here are a few that The Unpolished Life highly recommends:

Tempest Sobriety School

Tempest Sobriety School – You don’t need to hit rock bottom. Start creating a life you don’t want to escape from. Tempest is a modern recovery program that helps you stop drinking and start feeling better. Using evidence-based treatment and peer support, we can provide you with the education, tools, and community you need to recover.

Alchemist Sobriety Deep Dive

Alchemist Sobriety Deep Dive – The Deep Dive jumps into the work of unraveling unhelpful mindsets and patterns. This intensive offers mindfulness-based and practical steps for making your body your ally.

Alchemist Sobriety Kit + Recovery Journal

Alchemist Sobriety Kit + Recovery Journal – There is an easier, freer, more vibrant way. 

Note: If you struggle with your relationship with food and your body image, you’re not alone and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Countless others have experienced the same struggle. To revolutionize your relationship with food, The Unpolished Life highly recommends:

Food Freedom Forever by Melissa Hartwig Urban

The Whole30’s Food Freedom Forever: Letting Go of Bad Habits, Guilt, and Anxiety Around Food provides a completely different plan and perspective on our cycles of “eating well” and “eating poorly”. These cycles can be so frustrating, leaving us feeling like failures and trapped in an unending loop of disappointment and shame. In this New York Times best-selling book, Melissa Hartwig defines “food freedom” as being in control of the food you eat, instead of food controlling you. The Whole30 helps you jump-start the process, but as anyone who’s dieted knows, holding on to that freedom and creating healthy habits that last is the hard part. The Whole30’s Food Freedom Forever offers real solutions for breaking the cycle of yo-yo dieting and the resulting stress, weight gain, uncontrollable cravings, and health complaints.

Enter to Win a FREE Lovely Loot!

Enhance your daily life with lovely, practical tools that will help you focus on your priorities, empower your decisions, and bring you more in touch with your inner, authentic self.

**Please note: Pictured above is an example of a Lovely Loot. The items you receive will be different from the ones pictured above. You are entering to win 1 of the following – Self-Empowerment Box, Finding Balance Box or Vitality/Energy Box – not pictured above.

Congrats! You’re a Winner!

Wooden Herb Box

How to Get Rid of Bags Under Your Eyes (without a photo filter!)

No one likes to wake up, look in the mirror, and see that her most attractive features – her eyes – are diluted by the dark baggy circles underneath.

If eyes are the window to the soul, dark circles are like a moat hindering entrance to a beautiful castle.

Before I mention the quick fix cures for under-eye baggage let me point out a few tips on how to prevent them in the first place.

Hydration

Morning puffiness is a result of water retention. Fluid collects under the eyes, especially when you’re laying down. Staying hydrated throughout the day will reduce your water retention at night, giving your face that glowing and rested look.

Sleep Hygiene

Are you getting enough sleep? Duh…. but sometimes not even that’s enough, we’ll get to that. If you’re having trouble with your z’s, create a night routine. A fun, relaxing one. Choose a time to start winding down. Wash your face, brush your teeth and hair, draw a hot bath, take care of YOU. If reading is your thing, shut off electronics, lay in bed and pick up your book. If Netflix is your thing, turn on the next episode of The Good Wife and LIMIT yourself to one or two. Before bed is not the time to binge watch. You’re stealing precious hours when your body can be rejuvenating itself. My personal favorite is to put my ear buds in and listen to a soothing guided meditation while I fall asleep.

Glowing Green Smoothie

A great way to start your morning, daily, is to DRINK your greens! Leafy greens like collard, kale, spinach and romaine contain fiber, antioxidants, calcium, vitamins C and K, iron, and a wide range of other nutrients that can help prevent various health problems AND over a short time, they make your skin glow! Here’s my recipe, just try it:

  • 1 apple, sliced
  • 2 cups of kale, collard greens, spinach, romaine (or any combo of those, doesn’t matter)
  • 1 cucumber sliced
  • juice of one lemon
  • approx 1 cup of water
  • put into a blender and liquefy (if you use kale, you’ll want to blend longer so it’s not gritty)
  • pour into two large mason jars
  • drink one now and one enjoy one later
  • congrats, you pretty much got all your veggies in for the day!

Reduce or Eliminate Alcohol

Alcohol is the worst. It really does a number on your body, inside and out. If you have chronic bags under your eyes, first take a look at what you’re putting into your body. What you put it is what you get out, and your eyes are a mirror of your habits. Excessive alcohol also causes dehydration, which we discussed earlier.

Note: If you’ve tried to reduce alcohol and found it was a struggle, you’re not alone and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. There is a community of women who have experienced the same struggle. For many, it wasn’t until they saw the horrendous toll alcohol was taking on their appearance that they searched for and found the tools to freedom, gaining back control of their lives and their inner/outer beauty. Here are two that The Unpolished Life highly recommends:

Tempest Sobriety School

Tempest Sobriety School – You don’t need to hit rock bottom. Start creating a life you don’t want to escape from. Tempest is a modern recovery program that helps you stop drinking and start feeling better. Using evidence-based treatment and peer support, we can provide you with the education, tools, and community you need to recover.

Alchemist Sobriety Deep Dive

Alchemist Sobriety Deep Dive – The Deep Dive jumps into the work of unraveling unhelpful mindsets and patterns. This intensive offers mindfulness-based and practical steps for making your body your ally.

Alchemist Sobriety Kit + Recovery Journal

Alchemist Sobriety Kit + Recovery Journal – There is an easier, freer, more vibrant way. 

The Black Tea Bag Trick

Caffeine draws out the puffiness, the coolness reduces swelling.

  1. First, steep two black tea backs in warm to hot water, let them sit for 1 minute.
  2. Fill a mug with ice and a little cold water
  3. Once the tea bags have steeped put them in the ice water, then in the fridge, and let them sit for about 5 minutes.
  4. Grab a clean towel or wash cloth and place under your chin. Remove the tea bags from the ice water, and with eyes closed, hold the tea bags on and under your eyes with the towel between your hands and the tea bags.
  5. Hold in place for at least 5 minutes. Remove and discard the tea bags.

Define Your Eyebrows

The first instinct women have for getting rid of bags under their eyes is to cover them up with make-up, often too much. Before you reach for the cover up cream, try defining your eyebrows first. This brings attention upward, away from the bags and dark circles underneath. You don’t need a fancy, expensive, time consuming eyebrow kit. All you need is something like this. Here’s a cheap, simple one to try.

Instant Cure for Bags & Dark Circles Under Your Eyes

These Green Tea Matcha Under Eye Soothers nourish your skin, reduce puffiness and the appearance of bags. It’s a firming collagen eye mask that helps to hydrate & revitalize your under eye area. I keep mine in the fridge for the extra cooling effect.

After I’ve washed and moisturized my face, I put these under my eyes for about 15 minutes while I’m going about my business in the morning. They feel GREAT! It may sound silly, but I can feel them working. When I remove them my under eyes are noticeably better.

The Unpolished Life is here to provide YOU, beautiful you, with a place to explore your creativity, intuition, new possibilities, and gather new resources & tools to enrich your life, free your inner self, and shed the bullshit that binds you!

Using simple tools to clear away the clutter, the Unpolished Life is a way of being that uncovers the energy, power, and beauty of your authentic self so you can embrace a life of insight, momentum, peace, and fulfillment.

Sign up for more from the unpolished life

Freebies!!

FREEBIES!

My passion is to reach people who want simple tools to clear away the mental and emotional clutter in their lives. So I created The Unpolished Life WebSight, a way of being that uncovers the energy, power, and beauty of your authentic self so you can embrace a life of insight, momentum, peace, and fulfillment.

As I’m publishing resources with useful content and products, I want to invite you to join me! I would love your involvement and feedback as I craft what I hope to be helpful tools for your fearless & unapologetic authentic self!

Enter to win this beautiful, ornately carved wooden herb box created by Tamed Wild! Just fill out the “Let’s Chat” link here: https://unpolished.life/lets-chat-unpo…

The first TEN to enter will receive a FREE Lovely Loot package: https://unpolished.life/product/lovely…

And 1 lucky winner will be drawn to receive this wooden herb box, perfect for stress relief items, special treasures, Tarot decks, or affirmation cards! If you’re feeling a little rough around the edges, you’re not alone! Come check out our community and tools for the authentic inner self at The Unpolished Life. https://unpolished.life

Also, you can shop at Tamed Wild here: http://tamedwild.com or buy the Wooden Herb Box here: https://bit.ly/3eI4Lty